The Golden Rule Doesn’t Work
Lynda McKim, Roblyn Training
 www.roblyntraining.com
 
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  Ah, the Golden Rule.  Most of us learned that this was the key successful relationships.  But, no matter how hard we try, we still encounter more conflict than we would like.  Despite our fervent attempts to relate effectively, we often find that we have upset coworkers, parents, children, or friends.

So how does this happen? We follow the Golden Rule, we try to get along with others, and yet all these problems still exist in our lives. The dilemma is that for all its good intentions, the Golden Rule just doesn’t work. It’s just too simplistic. We human beings are very complex creatures. Although we are all striving for the same things (self esteem and personal fulfillment), we each tackle life with a slightly different play-book. We seek our goals in different ways because of our diverse values, wants, needs, desires, and preferences and these predispositions drive all our behaviors. Therefore an action that may seem clear and just to me may be annoying and frustrating to you.

Solution? Let’s replace the Golden Rule with the  Platinum Rule. “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” Huh?  Well, simply, it means that others may not want to be treated the same way that YOU do, as the Golden Rule encourages. So we need to recognize that others don’t see or do things the way we do and find out how the other person prefers to be treated. It helps to understand that there are many paths to the same destination and although yours is right for you, it may not be right for others.

For example, you may prefer detailed instructions, time for planning and uninterrupted time to focus on one task at a time. Your co-worker may prefer loose guidelines and freedom to try new ways of getting the job done. He may also be challenged by multi-tasking. These vastly different work styles can create problems in the workplace unless co-workers learn to understand and appreciate their differences and capitalize on them rather than view them as faults.

There are number of tools and workshops that teach us how to recognize and appreciate different styles and how to treat others as they need to be treated, not as we want to be treated ourselves.  Changing our approach to others doesn’t require a lot of effort and the benefits are amazing. So let’s set the Golden Rule aside and adopt the Platinum Rule.  Let’s do unto others as they would have us do unto them. And let’s make life a little easier.

Lynda McKim will facilitate a day-long workshop on Tues. Feb. 3 for the Chamber University that promotes understanding of different style preferences and solutions to working and living with people with approaches to life that differ from our own. She is the author of Personality DIMENSIONS®, a temperament assessment tool used extensively in Canada, Australia, Europe and Hong Kong.